EnigmA Amiga Run 1995 October/EnigmA AMIGA RUN 01 (1995)(G.R. Edizioni)(IT)[!][issue 1995-10][Aminet 7].iso/Aminet/util/misc/cookies.lha/cookies.txt

Text File | 1995-05-18 | 120KB | 3,381 lines

%%
%% cookies.txt
%% Jörgen Grahn
%% 1995
%%
%% Another fortune cookie file, partly collected from the best of
%% some wide-spread cookie files, plus a fair number collected by me.
%%
%% Featured personalities include:
%% Adolf Hitler, Afrika Bambaata, Andy Partridge, Berthold Brecht, Billy
%% Bragg, Captain Beefheart, Carolyn Scheppner, Dante, David Cronenberg,
%% Dijkstra, Don Knuth, Eddie Meduza, Frank Herbert, Frederick Brooks Jr,
%% Fritz Leiber, George Orwell, Holly Johnson, J D Salinger, Jeanette
%% Winterson, John Cage, Joseph Conrad, Juha Valjakkala, Karl Marx, Laurie
%% Anderson, Leonard Cohen, Ludwig Wittgenstein, Mark E Smith, Matt Johnson,
%% Michael Moorcock, Molly Ringwald, Nivek Ogre, Olof Lagercrantz,
%% P O Enquist, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Cracknell, Sid Vicious, Steve Meretzky,
%% Terence McKenna, Thomas Tidholm, Tore Berger, Ulf Lundell,
%% William S Burroughs, William Shatner
%% and many others.
%%
%% Subjects of the cookies include socialism, Star Trek, anti-american
%% activities, necrophilia, Melrose Place, pedophilia, cannibalism,
%% coprophilia, Beavis & Butt-head, Bananarama, nazism, torture,
%% hallucinogenic drugs, programming, schizofrenia and the imminent
%% coming of Antichrist.
%%
%% If you're not comfortable reading about these things, this
%% cookie collection may not be for you.
%%
%%
%% Swedish cookies - ignore them or delete them if you don't know
%% that language (poor bastard).
%%
%%
%%
Gud, Djävulen och jultomten - det är pappa det!

    Herbert Tingsten
%%
Att se ner på folk som bor i radhus, bara för att dom varken har råd med en
bostadsrätt på Östermalm eller villa i mexitegel vid någon liten insjö, det
tycker jag är en oerhörd snobbism.  (---)  Men hellre bor jag i radhus än
instängd i nån hyreslägenhet med bara en liten _balkong_!

    Karin Mannheimer i Stormvarning, Sveriges Radio P3 1995-05-18
%%
du kan kalla mig fikus, feg och unken
jämföra min syster med heffaklumpen
kalla mej sucker det gör det samma
men inte ett ord om min mamma

    Just D
%%
Vill man inte anpassa sig, får man passa sig - shit!

    Hårmoussereklam med Niclas Wahlgren i Nya Okej,
    någon gång kring 1985
%%
"Det ser ut som om kvinnor har överanpassat sig till
männens villkor i arbetslivet."

    Kvinnlig psykologiprofessor tolkar en undersökning som visar
    att kvinnliga chefer beter sig som feministerna tror att
    manliga chefer beter sig, och vice versa
    (TT 1995-05-09)
%%
jag ser dagen komma
dom svaga får kraft
världen står klar och frisk igen
och det var jävligt längesen

    Kjell Höglund
%%
det är tungt att gå och tungt att tänka
det är tungt att bära och att vakna
varje morgon har en bitter bismak

    Kjell Höglund: Politikens olycksbarn
%%
men innerst inne vet vi att vi luras
att någonting har desarmerat oss
att vi åker snålskjuts på dom andra
som avbrutet reser sig och slåss

    Kjell Höglund: Politikens olycksbarn
%%
Gör uppror mot överheten,
ty överheten har fel;
det finns bara ett sätt att röra sig framåt och
det är att röra sig framåt tillsammans.

    Kjell Höglund
%%
Den här låten handlar inte om älgjakten,
utan om jakt på _riktiga_ människor...
    Lars Aldman (Bommen: F242: Headhunter)
%%
%% 1995-05-03
PRO-MAX -- potensmedlet för män
En helt ofarlig natusprodukt som ger en långvarig och
kraftig erektion och även förhindrar för tidig utlösning.
1 förpackning räcker ca 1 månad

    reklam i Femmans text-TV
%%
"Du bereder mig ett bord i mina ovänners åsyn"
%%
Yage kan vara den slutgiltiga fixen.
    Bill Burroughs
%%
Jag satt där och väntade på att det skulle ge något resultat och fick
nästan omedelbart en impuls att säga: "Det där var inte nog. Jag behöver
mer." Jag har lagt märke till den här oförklarliga impulsen vid de två
tillfällen när jag fick en överdos av junk.  Båda gångerna innan sprutan
började verka sa jag: "Det här var inte nog. Jag behöver mer."

    Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Folkvandringar, otroliga färder genom öknar och djungler och berg
(stagnation och död i slutna bergsdalar där växter spirar upp ur Klippan
och väldiga kräftdjur kläcks inuti och knäcker kroppens skal), över Stilla
Havet i en utriggarkanot till Påskön.  Den Sammansatta Staden där alla
mänskliga möjligheter ligger utbredda i en väldig tyst marknad.

    Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Det fanns en pojke i staden som en gång hade fungerat som vägvisare åt en
amerikansk biolog.  Den här pojken var ortens Mister-specialist.  Man
hittar en representant för det här plågoriset vart man än kommer i
Sydamerika.  De kan säga: "Hello Joe" eller "OK" eller "Fucky-fucky".
Många av dem vägrar att tala spanska och inskränker på så vis
konversationen till teckenspråk.

    Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Pojken kom och satte sig hos mig och började tala om Mistern som samlade in
djur: "Han samlade spindlar och skorpioner och ormar."  Jag halvsov, lullad
till sömns av den här litanian, när jag hörde:  "Och han skulle ta mig med
sig hem till Staterna", och vaknade.  Å gode Gud, tänkte jag, så han tänker
köra med den gamla grejen.

    Bill Burroughs: Yagebreven
%%
Det kommer en dag när ni alla också blir lika ensamma och olyckliga.

    Olle Ångest (serie av Gunnar Lundkvist)
%%
%% Här började de svenskspråkiga "cookiesarna" från början,
%% innan jag började lägga på dem baklänges
%%
- Kommer du ihåg när vi var på lägret, Karl, och vi smet för att
köpa en glass med marshmallows?
- Jag heter inte Karl...jag är bara en hund.
- Jag har tänkt på den tiden så ofta... Ibland gör mig livet
så förvirrad...
- Du är mer förvirrad än du tror sötnos...
    Snobben
%%
vad önskar du dig för nånting i julklapp?
en färgglad plastnapp?
en praktisk haklapp?
några russin och en ö
socker på din gröt?

    Stockholm Norra: Vad önskar du dig för nånting i julklapp?
%%
lika lite som man väljer sin frihet
lika lite väljer man bort den
makt krossas bara med övermakt
och en frihet som håller måttet
kan bara skapas om makten vilar i massornas händer
och frihetens villkor dikteras av
proletärer i alla länder

    Blå Tåget: Makten och friheten
%%
om makten är en garanti
för den heliga äganderätten
är det några som delar vinsterna
medan andra får dela på svetten

    Blå Tåget: Makten och friheten
%%
många historieböcker fördömer
revolutionens terror
och räknar med stigande fasa
antalet galgar och bödelskärror
men hur mäter man slavarbete och svett?
den terror som är konstant
endast den oförutsedda döden
är tillräckligt intressant

    Blå Tåget: Makten och friheten
%%
%% Vår fågelvärld
%%
Vingen känns påklistrad.
%%
Blekingarna - ett från havet uppkrypande, svartmuskigt och
flatbottnat släkte, som skjuter allt utom kråkor och
skator, för dom kan dom sura och snikna blekingarna inte äta.
    Bengt Berg
%%
Man kunde tro att estetik är en vetenskap som berättar för oss
vad som är vackert - för löjligt att ens kommentera. Jag antar
att detta borde inbegripa även vilket slags kaffe som smakar bra.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein: Föreläsningar om estetik
%%
Antikommunismen var sedan länge en storindustri, en militärt organiserad
religion med obegränsade fonder och med en omättlig hunger efter nyheter om
övervåld och robotisering i de östliga nationerna.  När nu på 60-talet ett
kritiskt ljus började riktas åt andra håll än mot kommunismen, greps de
kalla krigarna av ångest.

    Olof Lagercrantz: Ett år på 60-talet
%%
Gullvivor och backsippor som jag som liten gosse sett på Trebenabacken och
konvaljer och smultron som jag plockade på Kalvakullen tycks mig vara av
ett annat slag än de växter med samma namn som jag ser på andra platser.
Jag misstänker de senare för att vara av plast.  Jag har en gång sett
urgullvivan och den växer i Västergötland.

    Olof Lagercrantz: Ett år på 60-talet
%%
Inom våra demokratier har vi ett antal diktaturer eller kanske är
oligarkier en riktigare benämning, vilka sägs vara de egentliga
skaparna av vårt välstånd och framstegets garanter.

    Olof Lagercrantz: Ett år på 60-talet
%%
Världen är rutten
det mesta måste man ta ställning emot

    Tore Berger
%%
Min far dog av ett kulhål
han var en detektiv.
Skottstrider och slagsmål
av sånt bestod mitt liv.
Men sprängdeg, krut och whisky
det struntar jag nu i
jag lägger folk på soffan min
det är psykiatri!

    Privatdetektiven Kant
%%
Men om det fortfarande finns människor som lever där
nere i vraket, är inte det då en anledning att börja
bärgningen så snart som möjligt?

    Kvinnlig programledare i Sveriges Radio P1,
    morgonen efter Estonia-katastrofen
%%
Jimmy... sprängdeg... du kan vara fri
på några sekunder.

    Privatdetektiven Kant
%%
På stora färgaffischer över hela landet visas vackra, leende landskap med
sol och fina bondgårdar och texten SVERIGES BÖNDER ÄR FÖR EU. På den ena
varianten står det att det är för miljöns skull, på den andra att det är
för landsbygdens.
Vi saknar en tredje, mer realistisk modell: Svensk landsbygd i regn med
förtvinade granar, mack, gatukök och fuktfläckiga bondgårdar i eternit
eller mexitegel med skrotbilar och gamla jordbruksmaskiner spridda på
tomterna och lortiga badkar på halvt igenväxta åkrar.
SVERIGES BÖNDER ÄR FÖR EU, skulle det stå. FÖR BIDRAGENS SKULL.

    Aftonbladets kultursida, oktober 1994
%%
en helt vanlig dag
drömde jag
och drömmen var sann
boy-boy wallenberg har lämnat in
telefonen ringde
den ringde en dag
man sa som det var
ingenting mer blev sagt
hans spår leder bort
genom djupa skogar
men minnet av honom
förstulet blickar det ner på oss

    Mats G Bengtsson/Gunder Hägg: ingenting mera blev sagt
%%
Proletärer i alla länder - förena er!
%%
Alla bankdirektörer, köpmän, kort sagt alla inkallade
sakkunniga lyckönskade varandra till de blomstrande och
sunda affärerna precis en månad innan krisen i augusti 1857
utbröt. Handeln är alltid kärnsund och affärsverksamheten
fortgår på bästa sätt tills sammanbrottet på en gång är ett
faktum.
    Karl Marx: Kapitalet
    (citerat i Aftonbladet under finanskrisen 1988-01-07)
%%
Jesus dog på korset, kan du vara säker på det,
om han nu är död - varför dyrkar dom honom,
det är ju enkelt att dyrka något som inte finns till,
fittans..., fitta för tro, den är oren,
vi är gudar, du läser den heliga bibeln,
den är ju rena sagan om ett 2 000 år gammalt lik

    Juha Valjakkala: 'Vi är gudar'
%%
Jag vill bruka knark, jag vill bruka lögner,
jag vill bruka våld, jag vill vara utan känslor,
jag vill begränsa livet,
jag vill förgöra föräldrarna,
skapa fram nya ljus i stället, utan rädsla,
jag vill se sorg,
jag vill dö ung,
jag vill vara fullkomlig,
jag vill vara gemen,
jag vill gå in i armén,
jag vill vara en hjälte,
jag vill vara en soldat,
jag vill döda människor

    Juha Valjakkala: 'Makt IV'
%%
arbetet är en mardröm ur vilken man inte kan vakna
    Juha Valjakkala
%%
krackelerade tjej...
    Bruno K Öijer
%%
finns det änglar?
kan dom komma?
har dom klänning?
ser man bena?

    Thomas Tidholm: Änglar
%%
...och då ringde jag min gode vän Erik Rosenberg i Örebro
och han sa "Har du fotograferat den?" "Ja, det har jag", sa jag.
"Skicka då kortet till mej så ska jag skicka det till Amerika", för
det är ju där --- för beckasinsnäppan är ju en amerikansk vadare.
%%
Då ska jag berätta för dej vad han sa för det kan vara roligt för dej att
veta: om näbben är 3,5 ggr avståndet från ögat till näbbroten så är det en
långnäbbad annars är det bara 2,5 så ---
%%
...det var den andra i Sverige men den första för mej.
%%
...och det står där i Vår Fågelvärld:
"långnäbbad beckasinsnäppa Erik Nilsson"
%%
och då sa jag: det där är ingen kortnäbbad beckasinsnäppa för
den hade ju så långt näbb
%%
nä den har ju nästan svart (om törnskatans stjärt)
%%
vi var på väg norrut på ön, Tord von Essen och jag och då fick vi se
fyra skådare som stod och tittade på en isabellatörnskata
%%
- Det finns ju ingen annan med röd stjärt.
- Nä det är ju bara den här brun törnskata då.
- Ja, jo den känner jag till men den som var här, menar jag,
  och det var ju en isabellatörnskata, Lanius isabellinus.
%%
Den där Jan von Brömssen ger jag inte heller mycket för när han inte kunde
godkänna den där fjällugglan.
%%
(om fjälluggla)
Jag har ju sett 10--20 i fjällen --- och jag såg ju också
den där som var i Mönarp en vecka
%%
Ja, mikrofonerna verkar inte fungera så bra på TT,
åtminstone inte på den manliga sidan ---
%%
Socialist-slyngel!
    Carl Bildt
%%
Nu ska du inte säja till mej som din mamma sa till dej
för 15 - 20 år sen!
%%
Och om du tar bort dom längst ned i pyramiden, till exempel de med Downs
Syndrom, kommer det att finnas några andra som hamnar längst ner. Kanske
dom feta.
    Galning i 'Det gäller livet', P1
%%
När jag var en liten flicka ville jag vara söt och snäll och min styvfar
kallade mig blond ängel när han förgrep sig på mig.
(---)
En dag stod jag plötsligt där böjd över handfatet med kökssaxen och
klippte loss lock för lock, färgade stubben röd och slängde sminket i
sopnedkastet.  Målade tavlor, flammande av energi, som männen avskyr
och blev fri. (---)

    Sign. "Svanen" på Aftonbladet Kvinna:s insändarsida 7 december 1994
%%
Dom här små gubbarna är förbannat levande.
%%
Tur och retur till dårhuset,
tur och retur, tur och retur,
varför löser i inte enkel biljett,
vad springer i för?
Luffarpiger och lasarettspiger...
%%
Folkilsken käring stånga tjurn i Börstig i natt.
Så jävligt har det blivit.
%%
Redan innan det var aktuellt att avbryta uranbrytningen i Ranstad hade man
beslutat om att höja Hornborgasjön med 180 cm.  Motivet var att sjön skulle
bli en verklig fågelsjö dit en mängd fågelarter skulle söka sig, bland
annat dykänder.
Så vitt jag vet är dykänder en kustfågel.

    Ingvar Andersson
    Pälsdjursuppfödare
%%
      VÄXER DITT VATTEN IGEN ?
Det finns en bra lösning på det också

             GRÄSKARP

                    Aneboda Aqua Service AB
                    Box 118, 360 30 Lammhult
%%
Nu luktar det BULLE i vattnet igen!
%%
Vi tror att du hittat en plats för tjäderspel.
Den finns men det får vara en hemlighet. Men den
som vistas mycket ute i skog och mark hittar
nog dit. Vill du höra riktigt, bör du även här
skaffa dig ett gömsle. Gör så här samla ihop några
grangrenar och ta en gammal filt.

    "I Vårbrytningen" (Falköpings Tidning 1991-03-21)
%%
Det påstås att då jägaren går med sin hund genom skogen
ser och hör han inte så mycket, som då han sitter på
passet. Så påstås det.

    "I Vårbrytningen" (Falköpings Tidning 1991-03-21)
%%
Nu för tiden äter inte folk det som
växer på jorden. De äter aprikoser!
%%
Yoga - som ju egentligen är en kukrunkarsport - men
det vågar dom aldrig skriva...
    Eddie Meduza
%%
-Det är väl ingen hemlighet att du knullar med kor?
-Nä, men Ljungbacken får inte veta att jag knullar med Rosa,
 för då blir han svartsjuker.
    Eddie Meduza
%%
Naturligtvis hade SkOF kunnat välja att helt ignorera storkens
återinförande till föreningens verksamhetsområde.  Det hade betytt
ytterligare några steg på den väg då faunan manipuleras genom en diffus
småföretagsamhet i viltuppfödning/-utsläppning.  PR-sinnade
turistintendenter, profitsugna fågelfarmare, mångsysslande jägare,
välvilliga amatörer står i kö för att få göra en insats på det här området.
    Jan Danielsson; Vår Fågelvärld 1986:1
%%
August Strindberg visar i sin bok 'Tjänstekvinnans son' hur det
kan gå om man har någon dogm.
    David Floryd
%%
Öh, hur mycket sånt där är det i det här?
    David Floryd
%%
David, går inte din buss nu?
    Anders Sjöstedt, till David Floryd
%%
- David, skulle du vilja följa med mej in på mitt rum lite?
- Nej, det vill jag inte.
- Jaha, men du måste följa med i alla fall.
    Kurator Birgitta Nötesjö till David Floryd
%%
Nu ska vi tala om problemet David Floryd.
    Ingrid Jannert
%%
Nej, jag vill inte tala med dej för du är ju _bibelsprängd_.
    Sören Gustavsson till Maria Runesson
%%
- ...men henne har vi ju ingen kontroll över.
- Har vi kontroll över _någon_?
%%
Det var judarna som dödade Jesus.
%%
Tjejer i klimakteriet.
    Radio Ellen: reportage om Femidomen
%%
Ät mjölkasopper med, din långnäbba!

    Folkskröna #285
%%
Kjell skrattade inte.  Han var deppig.  Den ene efter den andre försökte
trösta honom med förslag om t.ex. videofilm, fotboll eller köp av dator.
Det är framtiden!  Men inget nappade han på.  Då kom Angela Johansson in
och sken som en sol.  Hon hade ett stort rött hjärta som hängde om halsen,
där det stod JESUS.  Det provade Kjell och då blev han glad!

    Artikel i Falköpings Tidning, december 1992
%%
...dessa är inte för att jag ska se ut som en jävla mafioso utan
äkta slipade; jag är en GLASÖGONORM!

    Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falköping
%%
Jag har själv bott i Falköping en gång i tiden, på Wetterlinsgatan.

    Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falköping
%%
Hej, era jävla Falköpingsbönnnnnerrrrrrr!

    Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falköping
%%
Om jag ser lite trött ut beror det på att jag runkat 3 gånger idag.

    Eddie Meduza, Folkets Park, Falköping
%%
...ambras. Och det är en ande som kommer ner via en
person som heter Sture Johansson.

    New-Age-mässa i Stockholm
%%
...orkar fan inte läsa norska och danska och skitihelvete

    Torbjörn Gustafson, om en norsk enkät om sångsvan och mellanskarv
%%
...vi sätter ett djävla kors för den djäveln

    Torbjörn Gustafson om Erik Nilsson
%%
men den där lärkfalken som Erik Nilsson hade 15 mars skriver jag _inte_ in

    POB om en Erik Nilsson-obs
%%
Då uppställde sig visserligen frågan:  kan man överhuvudtaget utrota
andliga idéer med svärdet?  Kan man bekämpa ''världsåskådningar'' med
brutalt våld?

(---)

Föreställningar och idéer liksom rörelser med en bestämd andlig grundval,
den må vara falsk eller sann, kan under en viss period av sin utveckling
brytas ner genom maktmedel av teknisk art, nämligen i de fall då bärarna av
dessa vapen själva samtidigt representerar en tändande tanke, en idé eller
en världsåskådning.

Användningen av våld ensamt, dvs. utan en andlig grundföreställning som
drivkraft eller förutsättning, kan aldrig förinta en idé eller hindra dess
utbredning, om man inte noga ser till att varenda bärare av idén och
vartenda dokument som rör densamma bringas ur världen.  Detta betyder att
en del av statskroppen för lång tid framåt, kanske för alltid, hindras från
att få tillträde till kretsar av maktpolitisk betydelse.

    Adolf Hitler ställer i "Mein Kampf" upp riktlinjerna för bränn-
    märkningen av östtyska intellektuella i det nutida Stor-tyskland.
%%
Människor har ett sätt att ta för givet, att allt arbete utförs för ett
gott ändamål.  De ser någon uträtta ett obehagligt arbete, och de tror att
de har löst problemet genom att säga, att det arbetet är nödvändigt.
Kolbrytning, till exempel, är ett hårt arbete, men det är nödvändigt --
vi måste ha kol.  Att arbeta i kloakerna är otrevligt, men någon måste
arbeta i kloakerna.  Och likadant är den med en plongeurs arbete.  En del
människor måste äta på restauranger, och därför måste andra människor diska
åttio timmar i veckan.

    George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
Då inställer sig frågan varför tiggare är föraktade -- för de är föraktade,
världen runt.  Jag tror att det är så av den enkla anledningen att de inte
lyckas förtjäna ett hyggligt levebröd.  I praktiken bryr sig ingen om ifall
ett arbete är nyttigt eller onyttigt, produktivt eller parasitiskt; det
enda som krävs är att det ska vara lönsamt.

    George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
I allt det nutida talet om energi, effektivitet, samhällsnytta och en
massa annat, vad åsyftas egentligen utom detta: ''Tjäna pengar, tjäna dem
lagligt och tjäna mängder''? Pengar har blivit det stora kriteriet på dygd.

    George Orwell: Down and out in Paris and London
%%
Jesus var en kille med en häftig bil
han körde sin Cheva många tusen mil
en dag sa det slurp det var soppan som tog slut
Jesus var tvungen att stiga ut
    Dom Dummaste
%%
Va fan var det för automateld i Naglarp?

    Zetterström, djurhandlare i Kinnarp
%%
Färre men bättre.
%%
Säg åt dom att hissa flaggorna. ALLA flaggorna!

    Beckander
%%
Douglas Adams - "Liftarens guide till galaxen".
Det hade jag inte läst annars.
<< Boken fångade mig bara bitvis. Det är svårt att minnas vad
den tekniska utvecklingen var då, 1979. Men det verkar vara en
ganska lyckad fantasigissning om framtiden. Jag kommer inte att
lägga ner någon möda på att läsa fortsättningen.>> [skratt]
Men _Inger Alfvén_ fångade mig verkligen...

    Bibliotekariekärring läser alla böcker och börjar på A.
    (Sveriges Radio P1 14/3 1995)
%%
   Där han stod i Humlegården med facklorna
flammande där framme tyckte han sig plötsligt vara omgiven av
ett fientligt samhälle, styrt av människor med makt och pengar,
tyckte sig omgiven av människor som okritiskt läste tidningarna
och mekaniskt reagerade med vrede, ursinne, glädje, förtjusning,
sorg, förakt, likgiltighet, allt beroende på vilken knapp de där up-
pe hade tryckt på. "Dom som stod där hade fan inte satt sig in
i vad det rörde sig om, dom svalde allt vad borgarpressen skrev."
Han hade mycket tydligt känt lockelsen och glädjen i att ropa ja
och vara med dem, upprördhetens förförelse, men han motsatte
sig den, inte på grund av en annan insikt eller av tillgång till
andra fakta, men av princip. Han hade sett på dem där de stod,
deras kläder, deras händer, och han hade känt ett avstånd som gjorde
honom ursinnig och oemottaglig för medkänslans upprördhet.
"Hela jävla Östermalm hade gått dit, och där stod jag."

    Per Olov Enquist: Legionärerna
%%
"JA är roligare"
%%
Man behöver inte vara bög för att gilla vin, men det är nödvändigt
för att känna skillnad på sorterna.
    Ulf Lundell
%%
Att hitta unga pojkar är en sak; att hitta vuxna män en helt annan!
    Den teckade familjen Addams
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/own-sayings:
%%
"I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit.  It's the only way to be
sure."
- Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens"
%%
I'm sick of being trodden on!  The Elder Gods say they can make me a man!
All it costs is my soul!  I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!!
- Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
%%
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign
itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon...
- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Experience is directly proportional to the value of equipment destroyed.
    Carolyn Scheppner
%%
NEVER EVER mess with a PCB jumper you don't understand, even if it's
labelled "SEX AND FREE BEER".
    Dave Haynie in <[e-mail]>
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/AFortune.dat:
%%
"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
                -- Bertold Brecht
%%
What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: "Yes,
women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort."
                -- Susan Gordon
%%
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for
cocaine: "You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils
as far as they will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding
hundred dollar bills."
                -- Herb Caen
%%
"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
cockroaches!"
                -- Mom
%%
When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A
group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
six-year-old.  "It is always so," my mother said.  "You do things
together which not one of you would think of doing alone."  ...
Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  The military
establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
                -- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"
%%
When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
%%
Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource.  If
you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place.  And if you cut
down the new tree, still another will grow.  And if you cut down that
tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with
long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit
there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you
come back.

                -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
%%
"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
%%
Write-Protect Tab, n.:
        A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
        left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an
        error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
        outweighs the momentary inconvenience.
                -- Robb Russon
%%
"Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
                -- S. C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
%%
Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today --
I think he's from the CIA.
%%
Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
with pictures.
%%
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We
 don't believe this to be a coincidence." !!   - Jeremy S. Anderson
%%
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty
minutes.
%%
You cannot ride a long worm.
%%
You have a massage.  (From the Swedish prime minister.)
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You shot the Wumpus!
%%
An Umber hulk can be a confusing sight.
%%
Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
%%
You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
    J. D. Salinger
%%
Reading Herbert will disgust you, but in one case it might be enlightening.
%%
Reading Tolkien might help you.
%%
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.
    attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
%%
The personal computer market is about the same size as the
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the
size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total
worldwide sales of pantyhose.
    James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortune.amiga:
%%
Shit Happens.
%%
The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
%%
The most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
%%
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
%%
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes, keep this is mind.
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortune.cookie:
%%
The life of a repo man is always intense.
%%
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
%%
!xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH
%%
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
    Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
GOTO statement considered harmful
    E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
%%
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children.
I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
    Woody Allen
%%
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to
correlate all its contents.
    H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Wherever you go...There you are.
    Buckaroo Banzai
%%
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
    Nicklaus Wirth
%%
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
%%
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
%%
Ahead warp factor 1
    Captain Kirk
%%
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to
be solved.
    Gerard Straub, television producer and author
    (stolen from Frank Herbert??)
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
    Andy Finkel, computer guy
%%
He's dead, Jim.
%%
The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects
into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to
levitation.

Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the
character does not have fire resistance.

    README file from the NetHack game
%%
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
    Randomly produced by a computer program called Markov3.
%%
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude.  I'm a
very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.  These days,
though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
    Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
%%
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
%%
If you want to eat hippopatomus, you've got to pay the freight.
    attributed to an IBM guy, about why IBM software uses so much memory

%% (Star Trek: Return of the Archons)
-Spock, did you see the looks on their faces?
-Yes, Captain, a sort of vacant contentment.
%%
There are some good people in it, but the orchestra as a whole is equivalent
to a gang bent on destruction.
    John Cage, composer
%%
I believe the use of noise to make music will increase until we reach a
music produced through the aid of electrical instruments which will make
available for musical purposes any and all sounds that can be heard.
    composer John Cage, 1937
%%
If you took everyone who's ever been to a Dead
show, and lined them up, they'd stretch halfway to
the moon and back... and none of them would be
complaining."
    a local Deadhead in the Seattle Times
%%
It was pity stayed his hand.
"Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito.
    Bored of the Rings, a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkien
%%
Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk.
    TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode _Amok_Time_
%%
I DO want your money, because god wants your money!
    The Reverend Jimmy, from _Repo_Man_
%%
If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go
to hell.
    Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88
%%
The F-15 Eagle:
If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.
    A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago
%%
FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and
generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10"  If that
doesn't terrify you, it should.
%%
I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much as
a house.  So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply in
an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer.
    Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
%%
Laugh while you can, monkey-boy.
    Dr. Emilio Lizardo
%%
Hey Ivan, check your six.
    Sidewinder missile jacket patch,
    showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail of a Russian Su-27
%%
"If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy."
    anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitir
%%
Card readers?  We don't need no stinking card readers.
    Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciencies, 1965, in a
    particularly vivid fantasy)
%%
The medium is the message.
    Marshall McLuhan
%%
"Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix?  If
she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"

"The world," Lucas said.

    William Gibson, _Count Zero_
%%
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips
over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.
    Matt Groening
%%
The Street finds its own uses for technology.
    William Gibson
%%
#define BITCOUNT(x)    (((BX_(x)+(BX_(x)>>4)) & 0x0F0F0F0F) % 255)
#define  BX_(x)        ((x) - (((x)>>1)&0x77777777)            \
                 - (((x)>>2)&0x33333333)            \
                 - (((x)>>3)&0x11111111))

    really weird C code to count the number of bits in a word
%%
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect "Hungry."
    a Larson cartoon
%%
         EARTH
     smog  |   bricks
 AIR  --  mud  --  FIRE
soda water |   tequila
         WATER
%%
   n = ((n >>  1) & 0x55555555) | ((n <<  1) & 0xaaaaaaaa);
   n = ((n >>  2) & 0x33333333) | ((n <<  2) & 0xcccccccc);
   n = ((n >>  4) & 0x0f0f0f0f) | ((n <<  4) & 0xf0f0f0f0);
   n = ((n >>  8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n <<  8) & 0xff00ff00);
   n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000);

    Yet another mystical 'C' gem. This one reverses the bits in a word.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, Jolt Cola
would be a Fortune-500 company.

If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, you'd be
able to buy a nice little colonial split-level at Babbages for $34.95.

If programmers wrote programs the way builders build buildings, we'd still
be using autocoder and running compile decks.

    Peter da Silva and Karl Lehenbauer, a different perspective
%%
Gort, klaatu nikto barada.
    The Day the Earth Stood Still
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/fortunes.unix:
%%
101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
    (1)  Scarecrow for centipedes
    (2)  Dead cat brush
    (3)  Hair barrettes
    (4)  Cleats
    (5)  Self-piercing earrings
    (6)  Fungus trellis
    (7)  False eyelashes
    (8)  Prosthetic dog claws
    .
    .
    .
    (99)  Window garden harrow (pulled behind Tonka tractors)
    (100) Killer velcro
    101. Currency
%%
"All flesh is grass"
    Isiah
Smoke a friend today.
%%
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition|
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do much of
anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
they take root and become trees.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
        You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
        You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to
        be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
        mistakes over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
%%
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
        You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
        followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your
        associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You
        lack confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people
        do terrible things to small animals.
%%
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
        You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You
        are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are
        not very nice.
%%
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged determination and
work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed.
You are a Communist.
%%
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
        You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you
        because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect
        too much for too little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis
        are known for committing incest.
%%
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.  They
think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.  That's why
you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare recipients are
Cancer people.
%%
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
        You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
        pushy.  Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike
        honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people
        are thieves.
%%
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
        You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
        sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and
        sometimes fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good bus
        drivers.
%%
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
        You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
        reality.  If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
        Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent.  Most
        Libra women are prostitutes.  All Libra people die of venereal
        disease.
%%
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
        You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will
        achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
        ethics.  Most Scorpio people are murdered.
%%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
        You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless
        tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority
        of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People
        laugh at you a great deal.
%%
UNIX will be half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov  5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
                -- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
Black.  Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the
cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of
the plastic underneath - black.  According to the instructions, this
means the puzzle is solved.
    Steve Rubenstein
%%
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
    Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
    Donald Knuth
%%
%% * * * From cookie2.0/wisecrack.txt:
%%
Q: Why won't Mexicans let their children marry Puerto Ricans?
A: Because their children would be too lazy to steal.
%%
Q: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts!
%%
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
%%
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned
him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I Helped
Skin Bob."
%%
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is
they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What
was THAT?!"
%%
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I guess it
goes back to the time we went to the circus and a clown killed my Dad.
%%
So when I die, the first thing I will see in Heaven is a score list?
%%
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme
violence.
    Vivian, "The Young Ones"
%%
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last,
"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
    A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
    Dante Alighieri
%%
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
%%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
    Weisert
%%
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when
you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
%%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
%%
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
    The Young Ones
%%
If God doesn't destroy San Francisco,
He should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
%%
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
    Mae West
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter
an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
    The Brigader, from Dr. Who
%%
Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
    Muad'dib
%%
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
%%
NetHack is a fantasy, in fact you're dreaming.
%%
NetHack is addictive.  Too late, you're already hooked.
%%
Never use your best weapon to engrave a curse.
%%
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Predestination was doomed from the start.
%%
Sauron is alive in Argentina.
%%
Save a forest - eat a beaver.
%%
The Leprechaun Gold Tru$t is no division of the Magic Memory Vault.
%%
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
as he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
"Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
fierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one -
and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."

    Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The very first essential for success is a perpetually
constant and regular employment of violence.
    Adolph Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
%%
The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
to fit their views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
be one of the facts that needs altering.
    Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
%%
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies.
    C. A. R. Hoare
%%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
    C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
%%
This sentence contradicts itself - no actually it doesn't.
    Hofstadter
%%
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
    WOP, "War Games"
%%
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
    Bertold Brecht
%%
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
    Wittgenstein
%%
You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your crysknife without having
drawn blood.
%%
gy-ro-scope: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and
also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpindicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
    Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%%
Moses, returning from the mountain, spoke to his people:
"The good news is we got them down to ten."
"The bad news is that adultery is still one of them."
%%
Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
    James T. Kirk
%%
I'm saying nothing and I'm saying it: John Cage
%%
It is as if I were attempting to trace with the point of a pencil the
shadow of the tracing pencil: Nathaniel West
%%
There are three side effects of acid.  Enchanced long term memory,
decreased short term memory, and I forget the third.
    Timothy Leary
%%
%% * * * from cookie2.0/#?:
%%
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs.
    Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
%%
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
%%
%% My [JöG] own cookies/quotes (1994-09-22 and onwards)
%% My apologies to people who don't like B&B and others
%% who can't stand tastelessness.
%%
What's the frequency, Kenneth?
%%
Dead men don't rape.
%%
Dead women don't say 'no'.
%%
Women: can't live with'em, can't kill'em.
%%
From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.
%%
If you pour salt on a snail, lots of scientific stuff happens.
    Beavis (on science projects)
%%
At the time you leave school, there's no future except for getting married.
And when you are about twenty-nine, you have two kids. And you want to
commit suicide.
    Sid Vicious
%%
I want to balanga you with my bonijoni!
I mean love... I mean agapi!
    Kalibanos (Raul Julia) to Miranda (Molly Ringwald) in 'The Tempest'
%%
I can't believe I gave away my pants to that guy!
    Molly Ringwald in 'Sixteen Candles'
%%
Of the twenty-some young men who were
waiting at the station for their dates to arrive on the
ten-fifty-two, no more than six or seven were out on the
cold, open platform.. The rest were standing around in
hatless, smoky little groups of twos and threes and fours
inside the heated waiting-room, talking in voices that,
almost without exception, sounded collegiately dog-
matic, as though each young man, in his strident, con-
versational turn, was clearing up, once and for all, some
highly controversial issue, one that the outside, non-
matriculating world had been bungling, provocatively
or not, for centuries.
    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
It isn't just Wally. It could be a girl for goodness' sake. I mean if
he were a girl - somebody in my dorm, for example - he'd have
been painting scenery in some stock company all summer. Or bicycled
through Wales. Or taken an apartment in New York and worked for a
magazine or an advertising company. It's everybody, I mean.
    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
At that moment, though, he chanced to look up from the table
and see someone he knew across the room - a class-
mate, with a date. Lane sat up up a bit in his chair and
adjusted his expression from that of all-round appre-
hension and discontent to that of a man whose date has
merely gone to the john, leaving him, as dates do, with
nothing to do in the meantime but smoke and look
bored, preferably attractively bored.
    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
"Whew". She squinted at the morning sunlight. "Why is it so sunny?"
She only partly took in Zooey's prescence. "Why is it so sunny?"
she repeated.
   Zooey observed her rather narrowly. "I bring the sun wherever
I go, buddy," he said.
    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
When I'm in town, I invariably sit by the hour with
my old friend Yama, the God of Death, and a private
phone's a must for our little chats.
    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
About five minutes before the plane landed, I became aware
of people talking in the seat behind me. A woman was saying,
with all of Back Bay Boston and most of Harvard Square in
her voice, "... and the next morning, mind you, they took a
pint of pus out of that lovely young body of hers." That's
all I remember hearing, but when I got off the plane a few
minutes later and the Bereaved Widow came toward me all in
Bergdorf Goodman black, I had the Wrong Expression on my face.
I was grinning.

    J D Salinger: Franny and Zooey
%%
Picture this: You have a business meeting tomorrow with your
Japanese distributor. This meeting requires that you be in top form
for some critical negotiations. You have several reports to go
over, many facts to memorize, and above all you have to get some
rest.

Your first step? A trip to the drug store, of course. A meeting
like this is much too important to take on without fine-tuning your
biochemistry. You must create the optimal neurochemical conditions
for learning and creativity. You ask the druggist, who then points
you towards the shelf of cognitive enhancement
compounds. You load up your basket with bottles of piracetam,
vasopressin, hydergine, choline, DMAE, and maybe a little
centrophenoxine.

    from MEGABRAIN REPORT: THE PSYCHOTECHNOLOGY NEWSLETTER
%%
Yuggs, or Yuggya (Lesser Servitor Race)

Description: The Yuggya are large worm- or slug-like creatures that
dwell in the depths of the Pacific Ocean.  They grow up to four feet in
diameter and twelve feet or more in length.  They are a pale gray in
color and look like elongated sacks.  In that respect they very closely
resemble chthonians, but yuggs lack the long tentacles of those beasts.
Instead, the  anterior end of a yugg terminates in a large round
sucker-mouth like that of a lamprey or hagfish.  A half dozen small
prehensile tentacles (or barbels) 6 inches to 2 feet long surround the
mouth, which contains several rows of horn-like teeth.  They leave trails
of stinking slime when moving on land.

    Kevin A. Ross: The Ponape Predators (instructions for Chtulu RPG)
%%
In 1972, 82% of all computers spent their online time sorting numbers,
In 1993, 83% of all computers spend their online time running screen blankers.
    [e-mail]
%%
640K should be enough for anyone!                             -Bill Gates
%%
And what is this special AmigaOS feeling Shehkel can't understand ?
It's the fast and snappy response on everything you do....it simply
feels smooth and i haven't got this feeling from any other OS i have
used.
    Ralph Schmidt ([e-mail])
%%
Remember, "Euphemisms are for the differently brained."
    [e-mail] (James Cooper)
%%
I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
    Edmund Blackadder
%%
Someday, perhaps in the very process of our benefactions, perhaps in
the fullness of geologic time,the last crane will trumpet his farewell
and spiral skyward from the great marsh.  High out of the clouds will
fall the sound of hunting horns, the baying of the phantom pack, the
tinkle of little bells, and then a silence never to be broken, unless
perchance in some far pasture of the Milky Way.
    Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac,
    Oxford University Press, NY, 1949.
%%
Note: do not try this at home if your character is not adequately equipped
with the proper gear & weapons, else you may become dragon toast.
    Diane Westerfield ([e-mail])
%%
>    There are three types of Water, Holy, Unholy and original.  Is there any
>  way to turn normal water (or unholy water) into holy water?

What?! No Diet Water?
%%
In short - the 'Elbereth/Balance/Arioch' blessing is the God's way to tell
you "I've given you enough already. Here, have these intrinsics and bugger
off..." :-)
    Michal ([e-mail])
%%
The police of a state should never be stonger or better armed
than the citizenry.  An armed citizenry, willing to fight, is the
foundation of civil freedom.
    Robert A. Heinlein
%%
>Is it possible to "recharge" magic lamps (i.e. so they end up with
>another djinn in them).  I was thinking that if you ENCOUNTERED a
>free-roaming djinn you could wield the lamp and hit the djinn with it, so
>that it gets sucked in and imprisoned, but I have never found one to try
>it on.

Even if it were possible, I somehow doubt that the djinni would be
particularly grateful to you for its release under those circumstances.

    [e-mail] (Michael Allison)
%%
"You destroy the hobbit.  What a mess!"

I *did* know how to defend against a terrorist with a banana,
but I didn't know I could kill with a cream pie!!!
%%
"Killed by a minotaur named UKantHavIt"
%%
IDE drives are supposed to be able to transfer 128k bytes in one chunk,
but because IBM-style disk interfaces don't transfer more than 64k at
a time, some drives have never been tested to more than 64k.  Also, some
drives have problems with an even 128k or 64k, so the suggestions above knock
one extra block off.
%%
Subject: Re: Global Alert For All: Jesus is Coming Soon
[...]
Let's just hope he is wearing a condom...
%%
withered rope you hang what's empty can't remain to put it simply
in time cry the hollow words to sing with false disguise
smothered hope fly from sorrow for a new divine tomorrow i just
don't want to know anymore life shifts up and down everybody
knows it's wrong it's not in the rhyme or reason so it goes
with every season crawl to top fall through bottom first hand
love is really rotten slice of life find what's plenty inch
towards a sanctuary fight with me inside the womb i know everyone
everyone knows it's me it's my voice my voice cries out obscenity
sightless eye regard my past sometimes it should i just don't
want to know anymore

    Skinny Puppy: Smothered Hope
%%
Moral Support: Joe Pillow & The Dancing Fools
%%
ObHex: I've heard (possibly right here on a.f.c) that the AmigaDOS
ROM has the hex sequence FEED C0ED BABE in it.
%%
We have made a commitment to Commodore and work hard on their behalf.
(Many of you at this point will undoubtedly label us as stupid.)

    Kris Kuntz & Jeff Cupp, Digital Arts, Bloomington, IN
%%
Chorus:
  Hens love roosters,
  Geese love ganders,
  Everybody else loves Ned Flanders!

Homer <as dog-in-the-manger>:
  Not me!

Chorus:
  Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

    The Simpsons
%%
> I do everything by hand. It's a lot more fun. And with all the hair
> growing on my palms, it's almost like the real thing.

Yeah, and I bet you sit on it first until it goes to sleep. Just like
being married.
%%
Picture a tombstone w/ these words:
GG Allin.   Ate shit and died.
%%
An old friend of mine once swore that she used to think Jimi
Hendrix said, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
%%
The Fall: "Lie Dream of a Casino Soul"
(My vers.)
A kickoff platform eunuch, we didn't like him much
There's a sector man insecticides, just like wankin'
Too late for dinner

(Official vers)
And our kid got back from Munich, He didn't like it much
Has a psyche that hadn't been synthesized, Just like machines
It's getting like that here now
%%
Imagine how bad Hitler would have been if
he saw Beavis & Butthead when he was a kid.
%%
>Why the hell do the gods want this amulet
>if all it does is curse items randomly and teleport you down levels?

They, of course, are the only ones that can destroy this evil
artifact...
%%
Quest artifact - The Golden Plunger.  When #invoked, does nothing.
When applied, can get rings out of sinks.  When carried, causes
aggravate monster in intelligent creatures ("Hey, let's go beat up the
wierdo with the plunger!")  When wielded, does 1d2 damage.
%%
oil remove shred and tear radiation vapor
it's the fear so unclear man in motion going nowhere
in our homes stuck in the face spread the word to the populace
yellow journal yellow journal set the pace feel the rage
manifestations of a sort so insidious off the point
simple solution never confusion sport a gun kill a cop
crazy world of weary thought so receive me had enough
lock me up lock me up
    Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
is he who speaks isn't weak wheelchair virtue so to speak
    Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
in cages our future - the answers insane
    Skinny Puppy: Assimilate
%%
lovers and legions i've seen your whore try not to reason forsaken i'm poor
fire nerves and dissension flying at a glare a ginger reaction whisper care
a hairpin decision falls against the brain
to formulate the anguish and alleviate the pain
the silence is warning soul search nothing can't regain reach for air
scenes of a cheap thrill summon an old ghost
the foremost and sterile suffering one lost to
face the potential for fantasy and flair forever and forgiving
summon me and dare
    Skinny Puppy: Far Too Frail
%%
which side whose side you're in the middle of the fire
    Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
christ why did you die
    Skinny Puppy: The Choke
%%
sample test at best is nothing less run for more i can't decide
love in the grass is nothing less rather you look me in the eye
your face creeping in your caring thankless grin
immobilize the setting sin create the mood that's dark and grim
    Skinny Puppy: Deadlines
%%
last call open bar never closing reach beyond
last call a shallow pond slow descending so slow to drown
    Skinny Puppy: Last Call
%%
green is the grass of survival
feeding the cows that they dine on
all is a disease
human disease
survival

    Skinny Puppy: Human Disease
%%
broken alice holy pat on the back and back and back force open wide no
way back she whispered lizard kiss rhtetoric bitch pass on answering
psycho babble with no security power escapes to the toilet room in the
lew of its own reflection she really knocks me out she sits she pukes her
point whoever will listen paranoid doubts shes really rocked out she
moves her mouth fault pat on the back and back and pat on the back and
force it she sits she listens she moves her mouth she sits she pukes its
her fault whatever intelligence fault push down with the purest crystal
around push it in whisper name feel it a double weighed out games invoke
she mixes knowing that all wont upset herself lizard kiss strung out
break mutilate all they see on the neck in and over top of what appears
to be real chill and tempt eye no time to see reality broken alice

    Skinny Puppy: Who's Laughing Now?
%%
notice that phrase thorough vileness of his
delivery ninty seven cars and free love
    Skinny Puppy: Rash Reflection
%%
I like the way you fill out your clothes
I'm gonna stick my head under your hose
HOSE        CLOTHES
THIS IS A CLOTHES HOIST BABY

    Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
If I ain't back by 5am start phoning round the hospitals
    Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
Make mine a double TEXACO
    Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
His pen's as mighty as his sword. Bites off more than he can afford
The torture-meister relishing - intimidating everything
Typewriter rhythms drowning the newly acquired insecurity
Gets in fights/stays up nights/rends and mends companion's tights
Forcin' symptoms of his own disease
A BOY FOR YOU, BLACK PLAGUE FOR ME

    Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
%%
i close the door,
shouldn't burn yet,
the wires get hotter
palms are glowing...

this is hot meat
metallic blood
this is open sweat

show you with my fingers
draw with the eye
with your own breath

i tear your lungs out
this side of the blackest meadows
i make my winterdwelling
and crush my bones

i'll sail out the window,
i'll walk down the hedge
i will not finish until I'm fully satisfied.

    Sugarcubes: Coldsweat
%%
that girl on that bicycle showed great interest in all the motorcrashes in
the neighbourhood, she look quite innocent, but believe you me i know what
innocence looks like and it wasn't there, after she got that bicycle.
    Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
she's drawing circles with her breasts in her jumper
    Sugarcubes: Mama
%%
deus does not exist.  but if he does, he lives in the sky above me, in the
fattest largest cloud up there.  he is whiter than white and cleaner than
clean.  he wants to reach me.

    Sugarcubes: Deus
%%
oh my god and jesus as well, what are you doing here, are you
hurting your chest, offending yourself, forcing yourself into pain like there
is no tommorow?  you should use the pain and sorrow to fill you up with power,
life's both sweet and sour.

    Sugarcubes: Fucking in Rhythm and Sorrow
%%
it's that little souvenir of a terrible year
which makes my eyes feel sore
oh I never should have said
the books that you read
were all I loved you for

    Sundays: Here's Where the Story Ends
%%
It's the airwaves of the world
Not the hairwaves on your head
    XTC: X Wires
%%
My tombstone will read:
"I can look under your skirt".
    Andy Partridge
%%
Happy I'm floating
Around on my feet now
You make me go dizzy
I'm weak at the knees
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Well you say I'm faking
And I say don't worry
The way that I bubble
There's something in the make
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall
Right, the chemistry is right
This boy has reached his height
The feeling just goes on and on...
From strength to strength
I'm ten feet long...
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall

    XTC: Ten Feet Tall
%%
Generals and Majors always
seem so unhappy 'less they got a war
    XTC: Generals & Majors
%%
I'm speaking to the justice league of america the u s of a hey you yes you
in particular!  when it comes to the judgement day and you're stood at the
gates with your weaponry you dare clasp your hands in prayer and start
quoting me 'cos we say....  our father we've managed to contain the
epidemic in one place now let's hope they shoot themselves instead of
others help to sterilize the race now.  we've trapped the cause of the
plague in the land of the free and the home of the brave if we listen
quietly we can hear them shooting from grave to grave.

    XTC: melt the guns
%%
Louder than tanks on the highway
Louder than bombers in flight
Louder than noises of hatred
Dancing us from darkest night is the rhythm of love
Powered on the the beating of hearts
    XTC: Beating of Hearts
%%
EXTERMINATE ALL THE BRUTES
    Kurtz, in Joseph Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness'
%%
It's raining on the beach
She inches close but out of reach
The waves look painted on
Seagulls screaming

The sea is warship grey
It whispers ``Fool!'' then slides away
Black coastline slumbers on
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her

And all the flags that flap on the pier
Spell why on earth do you want
The fog hides much but one thing is clear
She's nearer

Dead deck chairs under shrouds
And life belts gape like minstrel mouths
Her hair still smells of salt
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her
Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
He who hesitates is lost

If you want her, you should tell her
Take her by the hand              If you hesitate
If you wait, November wins her    November will win her
She returns to sand               So get ahold of the girl

I say I like your coat
Her thank-you tugs my heart afloat
I nearly didn't hear for
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her

He who hesitates is lost

    XTC: Seagulls Screaming Kiss Her, Kiss Her
%%
Will you smile like any mother
As you bathe your brand new twins?
Will you sing about the missiles
As you dry odd numbered limbs?
    XTC: This World Over
%%
Will you smile like any father
With your children on a Sunday hike?
When you get to a sea of rubble
And they ask ``What was London like?''
    XTC: This World Over
%%
Sun that worked on overtime
Fuelled our bodies, kindled fire in our minds
Burning scars soon disappear
Like heat that hangs like water on the road
But most of all, I remember the sun.
    XTC: I Remember the Sun
%%
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
    Cure: Just Like Heaven
%%
soon i discovered that this rock thing was true
jerry lee lewis was the devil
jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
all of a sudden, i found myself in love with the world
so there was only one thing that i could do
was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long
    Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
jesus built my car
it's a love affair
mainly jesus and my hot rod
    Ministy: Jesus Built My Hotrod
%%
tell me something i don't know
show me something i can't use
push the button
connect the goddamned dots
    Ministy: TV Tune
%%
who what which why who
when did you say the earth would stop turning?
why did you say we would all start burning?
when should i make a pledge?
should i listen to the voices in my head?
    Ministy: TV Tune
%%
Everybody knows what's going wrong with the world
But I don't even know what's going on in myself.
    The The: Slow Emotion Replay
%%
This is the land, where nothing changes,
     the land of red buses & blue blooded babies,
This is the place, where pensioners are raped,
and the hearts are being cut, from the welfare state

    The The: Heartland
%%
So many people, can't express what's on their minds,
Nobody knows them & nobody ever will,
Until their backs are broken and their dreams are stolen,
and they can't get what they want, then they're gonna get angry!
Well it ain't written in the papers, but its written on the walls
The way this country is divided to fall,
So the cranes are moving on the skyline -
Trying to knock down - this town
But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed,
from this country, that's sick, sad, and confused.

    The The: Heartland
%%
The ammunition's being passed, and the lords been praised,
But the wars on the televisions will never be explained,
All the bankers gettin sweaty, beneath their white collars,
As the pound in our pocket, turns into a dollar.

This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.

    The The: Heartland
%%
A curse on the judges, the coppers and screws
Who tortured the innocent, wrongly accused,
For the price of promotion
And justice to sell
May the judged be their judges when they rot down in Hell
    Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
May the whores of the empire lay awake in their beds
And sweat as they count out their sins on their heads
While over in Ireland eight more men lie dead
Kicked down and shot in the back of the head
    Pogues: Birmingham Six
%%
Christine!
Christine!
Christine!
Christine.

    House of Love: Christine
%%
burn down the disco
hang the blasted DJs
'cause the music they constantly play
says nothing to me about my life
    Smiths: Panic
%%
Remember, young programmers - the length of your
code is not NEARLY as important as its WIDTH!
    Dan Barrett
%%
Zorro III, contrary to popular belief, is actually SLOWER than Zorro
II, due to the overhead of the extra "I".
    Dan Barrett
%%
    If possible, avoid paper manuals entirely and document the whole
program in a "README" file on the program disk.  I know that some users don't
like README files because the information often isn't presented in a natural
order.  So, if you feel obligated to please your users, I recommend running
your README file through C:Sort.
    Dan Barrett: 10 Amiga Programming Tips For the Real World
%%
>3) Who was the actual creator of C=?  Was is Jack Tramiel?

    Nope.  Commodore was founded in 1861 by Norman "Bingo" Hockheister
and his aged mother, Loretta.  Bingo and Loretta were familiar faces in old
West Chester, standing on barrels in the marketplace, selling strange devices
that Bingo claimed could "calculate square roots", "cure leprosy", or even
"blast slimy aliens from Arcturus VI."

    Dan Barrett: The TRUE history of the Amiga
%%
    I really like this disk, but I have decided it's time to upgrade to
Fish Disk number 2.

    Dan Barrett: FOR SALE: Fish Disk number 1
%%
Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!
    The Exorcist
%%
What, me worry?
    Alfred E. Neumann
%%
The double covern of sorcerers in turn began to bustle
more nervously, each with his particular spell - touching off
more stinks, jiggling black drops out of more dirty vials,
waving more wands, pin-stabbing more figurines, finger-
tracing eldritch symbols more swiftly in the air, mounding
up each in front of him from his bag more noisesome fet-
ishes, and so on.

From his hours of sitting at the foot of the table, Fafhrd
had learned that most of the spells were designed to inflict
a noisome disease upon Gwaay; the Black Plague, the Red
Plague, the Boneless Death, the Hairless Decline, the Slow
Rot, the Fast Rot, the Green Rot, the Bloody Cough, the
Belly Melts, the Ague, the Runs, and even the footling Nose
Drip.

    Fritz Leiber: The Lords of Quarmall
%%
I seek two swords, forged millenia ago by immortals,
used by my ancestors but then relinquished by them and
placed upon this plane. The swords are large and heavy
and black and they have cryptic runes carved into their
blades.
    Michael Moorcock: Elric of Melniboné
%%
Quoth the raven: 'Demi Moore'.
    Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
Quoth the raven: "Eat my shorts"
    Bart Simpson
%%
How does the turkey know to fly? He just knows.
    Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate): Married with Children
%%
German guests: "We didn't start this!"
Basil:         "Yes you did!"
German guests: "No we didn't!"
Basil:         "Yes you did! You invaded Poland!"

    Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in 'Fawlty Towers'
%%
It's better to die than to fade away.
    Neil Young
%%
A moment later, before even half the people in Joe's have begun tittering,
a flash of green light precedes the arrival of two VERY odd patrons.  They
rotate their bellies to get a better look at you.  As their mouth stalks
open you find that, despite an evolution that occurred dozens of
astronomical units from Upper Sandusky, these fellows speak in perfect
midwestern English.
    Steve Meretzky: Leather Goddesses of Phobos
%%
Life is what happens to you while you're busy doing other things
    John Lennon
%%
As you well know, the secret of community lies in
suppression of the incompatible.
    Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
I will die four deaths - the death of the flesh, the death of the soul,
the death of the myth and the death of reason. And all of these deaths
contain the seed of resurrection.
    Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Seeing futures is a vision of a continuum in which all things
take shape like bubbles forming beneath a waterfall. You
see them and then they vanish into the stream. If the stream
ends, it is as though the bubbles never were. That stream is
my Golden Path and I saw it end.
    Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Prisons are needed only to provide the illusion
that courts and police are effective. They're a kind of job
insurance.
    Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
Police always observe that criminals prosper. It takes
a pretty dull policeman to miss the fact that the position of
authority is the most prosperous criminal position available.
    Frank Herbert: God Emperor of Dune
%%
- How many politically correct people does it take to...
- That question is neither appropriate nor funny.
%%
The mummy a foot in the machine. The machine a foot in the mummy.  Mister
analphabet a seeing. (...) Other seeing mummies recoiling from mister A
from the machine. Afraid for A who sees without (...) looking without
seeing causing damage on the societylovemachinery.

    unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
...sweet, no matter if it is anticide or sugar.
    unknown schizophrenic, Stockholm 1994
%%
- How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light globe?
- None. They declare darkness to be an industry standard.
%%
I can imagine the working conditions at Commodore:

- "When do you want to get some food?"
- "GO AWAY!  I AM UNDER NDA SO I CANNOT TELL YOU WHEN!!!"
- "How about dinner then?"
- "NO! DINNER IS NOT READY YET, SO I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.  WE
  CAN TALK ABOUT DINNER ONLY AFTER IT HAS BEEN RELEASED!!!"
- "But that guy over there has something to eat!"
- "HE IS AN AUTHORIZED COMMODORE DEVELOPER.  HE IS ENTITLED TO BETA
  VERSIONS OF DINNER THAT YOU *CANNOT* HAVE!!!"
- "But *when* can I have somewthing to eat???"
- "DINNER WILL NOT BE READY FOR ANOTHER HOUR YET!!!  OH NO - I'VE
  VIOLATED MY NDA AGREEMENT.  NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO I'M MELTING! I'M
  MELTING!  WHAT A WORLD - WHAT A WORLD..." *poof*

    [e-mail] (Charles E "Rick" Taylor IV)
%%
    Anyway, his position at that point was to say that the Amiga format
must be more unstable. As he said it, with the 1.44 format, if your data went
bad then it could 'move over' to the unused place on the disk, because there
was another 500K on the disk, thus making it more stable. The Amiga's 1.76
format (including DiskSpareDevices' 1.97 format) was 'more unstable' because
bad data then had nowhere else to go and then it 'fell off' the disk.

    After I stopped laughing, I marveled at some of the arguments some
people level against the Amiga, even when the advantages of the Amiga are
totally obvious with the application of a little common sense.

    [e-mail]
%%
This is one of our greatest perils:
to see patterns in coincidences.
%%
I think the only way to address a problem of any kind is to move directly
into it.  Perhaps its too much Aikido practice, but I think any other way
you're doomed.  That isn't necessarily C='s business practice, but it's in
my approach to Commodore.  I look at the technical problems, business
problems, etc. and make a decision.  Do I attempt to address the technical
problems or do I forget about Commodore.  At this point, I choose to address
the continuance of the Amiga, and I do so because I believe that it is
something worth doing, and something that will yield success. If I did not
believe this, I would have left the company, plain and simple.  Obviously,
not everything is under my control, but I know what I have to work with over
the next year or so, and I judge it adequate to achieve the necessary goals.
    Dave Haynie
%%
Hey Butthead! It's Mallory! It's that chick from 'Family Ties'!

    Beavis, watching a PJ Harvey video in 'Tornado'
%%
Look, another one of those heavy metal videos with a
guy all naked and crawled up on the floor.

    Beavis & Butt-head
%%
Stop thinking!
    TV commercial for washing powder
%%
We quaffed the Soma bright
And are immortal grown.
We've entered into light
And all the gods have known.
What mortal now can harm
Or foreman vex us more?
Through thee, beyond alarm,
immortal god we soar."

    The Rig-Veda
%%
In my confrontations with the personified Other that is present in the
mushroom, part of the message was its species-specific uniqueness and its
desire for a symbiotic relationship with Mankind.  At other times it
presented itself not so much as a personage but as an infinite network
which many sorts of beings in different parts of the multiverse were using
for their own purposes.

    Christian Ratsch (ed.): Gateway to Inner Space; Sacred Plants,
    Mysticism and Psychotherapy
%%
This woman was so fat that she had two smaller
women orbiting around her.
    Al Bundy (Married With Children)
%%
Teenage metalchicks are cool.
    Butt-head
%%
How does that chick expect to sell any records
without cleavage?

    Butt-head, on Siouxie Sioux
%%
Uh... one of those hard-shelled peppercorns, heh heh...

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre II; cannibal clan leader
    when finding a human fingerbone in his price chili.
%%
So we walk day and night
by the big cooling tower
they own the plant
but we have the power

    The Simpsons (power plant workers on strike)
%%
and a Bluejay squeaks
its beak open
an inch above a creek

gone fishing for a week

    Captain Beefheart: The Dust Blows Forward
        'n the Dust Blows Back (1969)
%%
Madam, you have suffered an emotional shock.
I will notify a rape crisis center.
    Robocop
%%
What are you doing, BUTT-HEAD?  Why is it that
EVERY DAY you boys have to test your limits with me?
*sniff*
You boys smell like a TURD!
What is the MATTER with you?
%%
I'm not sure, Beavis, but I think it sucks.
%%
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to
pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn
the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
%%
Quite naturally, holders of power wish to suppress wild research.
Unrestricted questing for knowledge has a long history of
producing unwanted competition. The powerful want a "safe line
of investigations," which will develop only those products and
ideas that can be controlled and, most important, that will
allow the larger part of the benefits to be captured by
inside investors.
    Frank Herbert: Heretics of Dune
%%
Celibacy may very well be the greatest perversion.
    Polish saying
%%
- ...touring the whole world.
- You seem a bit tired. Shouldn't you have a holiday?
- No, I've just smoked a joint, actually.
- Is that true?
- Yeah. [In broken Swedish-Danish:] I have smoked a
  big, big joint. I am a bit stoned.

    member of great Australian rock band The Church
    (Marty Wilson-Piper?), interviewed in Swedish radio
    at Roskilde
%%
"Furthermore, in combination with the two hundred and five
sexual positions---"
    "Two hundred and five?" Sirafa was clearly startled. "Surely,
you don't mean---"
    "More, actually, if you count minor variations. I am an
Imprinter, which means I have mastered the three hundred steps
of orgasmic amplification!"

    Frank Herbert: Heretics of Dune
%%
A whole world have asked themselves how president Ronald Reagan
has managed to keep his powerful vitality, youthfullness and
energy at such a high age, even though he has one of the toughest
jobs in the world.
    commercial for "The President's Power" pollen energy capsules
%%
when love is gone
there is always justice
and when justice is gone
there is always force
and when force is gone
there is always mama
    Laurie Anderson
%%
The noice of the world will shut out
the Voice of God - if you let it.
    Oprah Winfrey
%%
She is _so_ liberal that she even objects to the death penalty
for criminals who prey on children!
    campaign message against some American political candidate
%%
America MUST be destroyed.
    GWAR
%%
the SNOT-GREEN sea
the SCROTUM-TIGHTENING sea ---
    Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
the inscription on my tombstone reads:
"wish you were here"
    Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel
%%
- The future sucks! Change it!
- I'm pretty cool, Beavis, but I can't change the future.
%%
the European Union - the PL/1 of international politics
%%
that was cool
when we killed that frog
it won't croak again

    haiku by Butt-head
%%
No breakfast in Hell, eh?
    Jeanette Winterson
%%
Check it out, Beavis.  There comes Krokus to kick their ass.
It's the night of the living bands that suck.

    Butt-head, watching an Accept video in 'Tornado'
%%
Nice try, Beaver and Butt-plug...

    Earl in Beavis & Butt-head: 'Incognito'
%%
Mozart? I'd rather listen to the sound of
an ambulance, driving up to my own house!
    Jörgen Grahn
%%
- Hey, where's the TV?
- The TV is the Devil's tool.
- Yeah. Where is it?

    Beavis & Butt-head in 'Beavis & Butt-head meet God'
%%
These chicks should marry GWAR.
    Butt-head (about Bananarama)
%%
The rich get richer, the poor are getting poorer.
    Time Zone (John Lydon and Africa Bambaata):
    'World Destruction', mid-80s.
%%
"The Gods blast you with a wide-angle disintegration ray -more-
 Your shield of reflection reflects most of the ray -more-
 Your boots fail to reflect some of the ray -more-
 Your helmet fails to reflect some of the ray -more-
 You weren't wearing 2,000,000 sunblock -more-
 You are having a REALLY bad day."

    [e-mail] (Charles Howes)
%%
    Stupid Reasons Why England Should Retain the Monarchy
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#4 - Someone has to defend Britain against the threat of being
     overrun by dangerous grouse, deer and foxes.
%%
In article <[e-mail]> John Schulien <[e-mail]> writes:
>First day of college. I move into the dorm and meet my new roommate.
>
>     John: Hi, my name's John.
>
>     Joe:  Hi, my name's Joe.
>
>     Joe:  John, how is your relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.
%%
- Hey! that's not funny! My grandfather died in a concentration camp!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, he fell off a guard tower and broke his neck!
%%
|>         I spoke to Mark, guitarist for the Cranes last week
|> and he told me that Jim Thirlwell always specifies that
|> the money he gets paid for his remixes be sent to his mother
|> in Scotland.   What a guy!

That's really odd considering his Mother lives in Melbourne!
%%
"Please put down your weapon! - You have 20 seconds to comply!"
[Suit drops his gun to the floor.]
"You now have 15 seconds to comply!"

    Robocop
%%
"You will live out your life in a pain amplifier"
    Dune (the movie)
%%
"The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video ring."
    Videodrome
%%
Momma, baby wants to fuck...
    Blue Velvet
%%
"It's better to burn out than to fade away!"
    Highlander
%%
"Leatherface, you bitch! Ho Chi Minh! 'Nam flashback! 'Nam flashback!"
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre II
%%
What we are looking at is good and evil, right and wrong. A new world order!
    George Bush (Ministry: N.W.O.)
%%
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today, that I've just signed
legislation that'll outlaw Russia forever. We'll begin bombing in five
minutes.

    Ronald Reagan
%%
Do you know what she did? Your cunting daughter?
    The Exorcist
%%
Personally, I believe none of it.  What I do believe is that progress
will eventually have its way, over the dead bodies of any corporations
who try to hold things back for their benefit.  It may not be the Amiga
that'll win out in the end.  It may not be Unix.  But, God willing, it
won't be Microsoft either.

    [e-mail]
%%
"IBM is not a necessary evil.  IBM is not necessary."
    Ted Nelson
%%
Today, computers don't have personality. Your average PC owner sees his
machine as a black box which he hates because an even faster one just came
out for half the price of his old one. I speak the truth here... a
PC may be fast and colorful and it may have ]<00L games but it doesn't
have a _soul_.
    Mark 'Mark' Sachs <[e-mail]>
%%
In "Scott Fitzgerald: A Biography," Jeffrey Meyers creates a sordid,
voyeuristic portrait of the author as a silly, self-destructive
alcoholic; he prattles on at length about his subject's sexual
performance and endowments, going so far as to cite witnesses who
supposedly saw Fitzgerald's penis.

    From Michiko Kakutani's article "Biography as a Blood Sport" in the
    5/20/94 New York Times
%%
In short, the bubble sort seems to have nothing to recommend it, except
a catchy name and the fact that it leads to some interesting theoretical
problems.
    Don Knuth
%%
They will get my Amiga from me when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
    [e-mail] (Douglas Rudd)
%%
All the self-pitying is a bottomless pit around here!
    Jake, "Melrose Place"
%%
Key chuckles. 'If Skinny Puppy, in terms of the movie _Alien_, is a
chest-burster, then Doubting Thomas is more of a face-hugger,' he informs,
as if that were an explanation.
    Keyboard Magazine, Jan '92
%%
Neither Kadaffi or the Ayatollah Khomeni are the Antichrist, but they
will contribute to the destabilization of the region that will aid
his rise to power.
    Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
The Antichrist will study and emulate Hitler and his techniques
avidly to try to surpass him and avoid his mistakes. He will have
access to books and material not available or known to the general
public. It will be possible for him to obtain secret Nazi documents
on Hitler and he will study them very carefully.
    Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Aliens tried to contact us in the Siberia Tunguska explosion in the
1900s. Similarly they will again visit the earth.  The Soviets are
doing secret weapons research and have energy fields guarding
northern approach corridors. Another spaceship will arrive,
paralleling this incident. When the aliens' spaceship enters the
atmosphere the fields will cause it to malfunction and many of the
crew are killed.
    Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Somewhere in western North America a meteorite will be found by miners
looking for ore. They think it might be radioactive but it is a
useful new element on the periodical table.
    Dolores Cannon's Nostradamus interpretations
%%
Finally, Nostradamus seems to allude to a sort of future Inquisition
and period of martial law during  which materials conflicting with
the Antichrist's philosophy and agenda of world conquest will be
suppressed. So I am "seizing the moment" and consolodating a large
amount of material for maximum distribution  in a short amount of
time while cyberspace is still healthy, innocent, robust, and
unadulterated. I encourage you to  help redistribute this document as
widely as possible in any form in any  forum or medium.
    [e-mail]
%%
You are a Beautiful Woman.  Huh-huh huh.  Come with me. Huh huh.
%%
"I have never seen an Andalusian Hemipode, and, when I do, I want to see an
'Andalusian Hemipode', not a 'Striped Button-Quail', which makes it sound
like just another boring button-quail."

"But Fred, surely you _have_ seen Andalusian Hemipode?"

"No!  It's a species I've always wanted to see, but never have."

"But Fred, you've seen Button-Quail in Ethiopia, Little Button-Quail in
Thailand, and Little Bustard-Quail in India, haven't you?"

"Yes", said Fred.

"Well, those are merely alternative names for Andalusian Hemipode",
revealed Tom.

    British Birds
%%
The apparent size of the bird I am watching is only
that of the species which I think it is.

    (the late) Peter Grant, British Birds
%% British Birds
One point remains unresolved by Per Alström and Urban Olsson's
detailed paper on Red-necked Calidris ruficollis and Long-toed
Stints C. subminuta: do the authors advocate the use of a field glass
or a hand glass to distinguish such feather detail?

    John Cantelo, Kent
%%
An awful motorcrash. Dangerous terribly bloody motorcrash,
destructive motorcrash.
    Sugarcubes: Motorcrash
%%
...and the eunuchs!
    Black Adder
%%
- Just _what_ is it that you wanna do?
- We're gonna get loaded - and we're gonna have a good time.
    Primal Scream - Loaded
%%
Arbeit macht Frei.
%%
But Agak, realizing his danger, began to suck.  No longer would this be a
pleasurable ritual shared with his sister.  He must suck at the energy of
the universe if he were to find the strength to defend himself, to gain
what he needed to destroy his attacker, the slayer of his sister.
Worlds died as Agak sucked.

    Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
Worlds died as Agak sucked.

    Michael Moorcock: The Sailor On The Seas Of Fate
%%
Come to think of it, there are already a million
monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is
NOTHING like Shakespeare.

    Blair Houghton
%%
I am the Great Cornholio. I want T-P for my bunghole!
Do you threaten me?
    Beavis: "The Great Cornholio"
%%
Lake Titihaka! Lake Titihaka! Titihaka!
    Beavis's Cornholio impersonations
%%
- Telling the future is cool. I didn't know you were a psychic.
- Don't you remember all those tests the school nurse made me take?
- They said you were _psycho_.
- Oh yeah. Heh. Heh-heh.
%%
In the meantime, and if you're a boy: do not despair. Be true to your feelings.
Times will change, and your oppression will end.

    Message on NAMBLAs (North American Man/Boy Love Association)
    answering machine.
%%
But if you're a man: Be brave. Be safe. And, above all,
be _proud_ to be a boy-lover.

    Message on NAMBLAs (North American Man/Boy Love Association)
    answering machine.
%%
So when do I get to sing "My Way"?
When do I get
to feel like Sinatra felt?
When do I get to do it my way?
When do I get
to feel like Sid Vicious felt?

    Sparks
%%
I don't avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my Essence.
    Ripper in "Dr. Strangelove"
%%
We wear the same clothes, 'cause we feel the same.
    Blur: End of the century
%%
He is seeing monsters.
He is loosing his mind and he feels it going.

    LSD 25: the documentary
%%
COME IN, COMMAND SHIP
SEND COMMAND TROUPS IMMEDIATELY
PLENTY OF HUMAN PROTEIN
AN EASY PREY.

    "Prey" (english horror/sf movie)
%%
C'mon in the kitchen... damn right!
    Bobby Gillespie: Jailbird (Dust Brothers remix)
%%
Life's like a jig-saw - you get the straight bits, but there's
plenty missing in the middle.
    XTC: All of a sudden
%%
So how do you think it feels
when you're sleeping by yourself
and the one you love the one you love
is sleeping with someone else?
    Triffids: Wide Open Road
%%
I mean, after all, it's just a road.
    It's Immaterial: Driving away from home
%%
He is so dark and moody,
she is a sunshine girl.
    Saint Etienne: Pale Movie
%%
Peace to _you_, my friend. And happiness.

    ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
You speak strange, friend.  Are you not of the Body?

    ST:TOS: The Return of the Archons
%%
- When you see a girl in a window with her back all bent out of shape,
  it means she is _hot_.
- Oh, I thought she was injured.
- I don't know, Beavis, but she's givin' me a stiffy.

    Beavis & Butt-head "The Great Cornholio"
%%
   no, I couldn't let it do that.  It would be easier to get to sleep by
twitching my head over and over than letting the feelound conquer my brain.
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. it's 2 in the morning and I HAVE TO GET TO SLEEP!!
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
No!! I have to do SOMETHING!! ANYTHING!! I can't go on like this all night!!!
What can I do?  No -- my friend is asleep, and won't listen to me... anyways,
even if I told him, he couldn't do anything.. What would he do anyways, take me
to a hospital where they'd know I did drugs?  Tell his parents so they'd know
I did drugs?  No.. nothing can be done...... Nothin... it's so late, nothing
can be done... Oh my god, this sucks.  This really sucks big time.. I'll never
do any drug again.. NEVER NEVER NEVER... It's not worth it ... This SUCKS...
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..
twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch.. twitch..

    someone on alt.drugs describes his first
    and only nutmeg experience
%%
- Is this one of those Alvin Klein commercials?
  "A new flagrance from Alvin Klein - butt".
- Yeah. "Butts. For men".

    Beavis & Butt-head, watching a Chris Isaak video
%%
Kill 'em, kill' em, kill 'em all, kill 'em all...

    Star Trek: Wolf in the Fold
%%
- Conan, what is the best thing in life?
- To crush the enemy, to drive them before you, and
  to hear the lamentation of their women!
%%
Crom!
%%
'The meek shall inherit the earth--the rest of us will move on...'
    Sameer Parekh
%%
C++ was invented because Vogon poetry
wasn't destructive enough. -anonymous
%%
One is enough.

    British twitcher, having seen one Wilson's Petrel after a whole day
    of chum dumping.
%%
I shall go to the mines. I no longer want to be limited to the clouds.
    Star Trek
%%
- Ace of Base suck.
- This isn't Ace of Base, Beavis.
- I know that, Butt-head. I just felt like saying Ace of Base suck.
  I mean, these guys suck too, but Ace of Base - ooh, they _suck_!
%%
- Lightweighter...
    Primal Scream member (Throb?) about River Phoenix overdosing on heroin
%%
Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the Great Springfield Tire
Yard Fire.  Twenty-five years, and still burning strong!
    The Simpsons: Flaming Moe's
%%
I'll protect you from the Hooded Crow.
Keep the vampires from your door.
    Holly Johnson/Frankie Goes to Hollywood
%%
Here's what I think it is:  you are seeing the raw data from your eyes.
Usually, your brain acts like a filter that sorts and processes what your
eyes see into a 100% stable, coherent image.  LSD and robo has taught me to
temporarily turn off that filter and see the raw image.  In fact, I feel
this is what "visuals" on LSD is, the raw image from your eyes as
interpreted by your subconcious.

    Preston Landers
%%
The closest you've ever come to actually _making_ it with a bird, is
locking yourself up in your bedroom with a copy of 'Amateur Photographer'
and a jar of hand creme!

    "Bottom"
%%
[e-mail] (James Cooper) writes:
>For instance, I'm still amazed Apple was even able to bring any "look &
>feel" suits to court, considering how much of the XEROX PARC stuff they
>had copied themselves... but then, not many of the people involved in
>the suits (lawyers & judges) would have had any idea that XEROX PARC is
>*not* a favorite picnic site... at least, not unless you're a computer
>nerd...  :-)
%%
The fact that necrophilia exists doesn't bother me.  With so many billions
of people in the world there are bound to be a few with some really bizarre
kinks.  What bothers me is the fact that necrophilia is so common that they
had to create a word for it.
%%
Q: What's the bad part about fucking 6 year-old girls?
A: You have to wash the blood off your clown suit.
Q: What's the good part?
A: When you turn them around, they look just like 6 year-old boys.
    alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
You will be a winner today, pick a fight with a four year old.
%%
Q: What does a greek girl and catfish have in common?
A: One smells and has whiskers, the other lives under water!
    alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
Q: Why did the pedophile cross the road?
A: Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
    alt.tasteless.jokes
%%
There once was a girl from Hoboken
Who claimed that here cherry was broken
From riding a bike down a coblestone pike
But really it was broken from pokin'
%%
"Last year we began selling joshikosei used panties in our stores, and
sales are so good that we've invested in vending machines for them. But
fresh saliva from joshikosei is proving to be even more popular."
    Shukan Isomura of the Wakayama company
%%
              THE SPIKED PUNISHMENT COLLAR
Furnished with spikes on all sides, this instrument, which weighs
more than 5  kilogrammes is located around the victim's neck. Often it
becomes a means of execution; the erosion of the flesh, shoulders & jaw
down to the bone. The spreading gangrene, the sepsis, the final erosion
of the bones themselves (esp. The exposed vertebrae) brings on lethal
collapses in a short time. The collar offers the advantage of economy
and money; it's function is passive & static and does not require the pay
of an executioner, it works day & night, without creating problems or
requiring maintenance...

    Robert Held (ed.): INQUISITION/INQUISICION
%%
"Commodore started going downhill once Lionel Richie left."
%%
>>} And then there's the coup de grace, the "information superhighway."  When is
>>} someone going to point out that the Internet existed before America Online
>>} was popular?

Excuse me?  It can't have been around a long time.  Neither Apple nor
IBM has "invented" it yet...

    comp.sys.amiga.misc
%%
"Attacks on NAMBLA stink of politics, witchhunting for profit,
humorlessness, vanity, anger and ignorance,.. .
I'm a member of NAMBLA because I love boys too - everybody does,
who has a little humanity."
  - Allen Ginsberg, poet
%%
- Is there a doctor in the audience?
- [Man standing up:]  I am a doctor.
- Hey, What's up, Doc?

    Bugs Bunny: Hair-rairing hare
%%
>Actual PC doubleplusungood concepts series:
>  Freedom of speech: most PC universities have speech restrictions of some
>  sort.  The University of Connecticut officially banned "inappropriately
>  directed laughter" and "exclusion of students from conversations."
%%
In article <[e-mail]>,
John Hall <[e-mail]> wrote:
>Can anyone tell me where I can find a viewer for .WAV files, please?

    alt.best.of.internet
%%
Drayton Sawyer will always be my Texas chili champion.
%%
Legal Notice: Exporting 'personal data' to non-European countries without
special license issued by the Computer Inspection Agency ('Datainspektionen')
for each specific case (message) is a crime. Personal data include names,
even my name. If you read this message outside Europe, I'm a criminal.

    [e-mail] (Bertil Jonell)
%%
Authors Note: This Guide is intended to be a reference for
people who appreciate the most beautiful creatures on Earth,
boys. The rating is based on many factors, the cuteness of
the boy, how much of the boy we get to see (ie shirtless,
nude), and the story. Juggling all these various factors
is difficult but hopefully the rating becomes a measurement
of the best OVERALL viewing experience. My thanks to
everyone who made suggestions/comments. I tried to view as
many of your recommendations as possible and will continue
to do so. As always comments/suggestions about this edition
are welcome.

    The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies
%%
Comments: Young boy and girl get trapped on desert island
need I say more? Only first 30 minutes are worth watching.

    The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies,
    reviewing "The Blue Lagoon"
%%
Title: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
Boy Star(s): Unknown
CC Rating: ***1/2*
Comments: Max stumbles upon a whole colony of shirtless
boys.

    The Boy Watchers Guide To The Movies
%%
I don't have to sell my soul -
he's already in me

    Stone Roses: I wanna be adored
%%
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the war room!

    Dr Strangelove
%%
Go away! Beavis is not dog food. He's _worm_ food. Huh huh - huh.
%% 'the black flower' (rob peck)
Get me Pendleton!
%% (the original amiga dev team)
We made the Amiga - they fucked it up.
%%
%% from the book 'Psychedelic drugs reconsidered':
%%
For thousands of years on all inhabited continents the belladonna alkaloids
have been a tool of shamans and sorcerers, who take advantage of the
sensations they evok to leave their bodies, soar through the air, or change
into an animal in their imagination.
%%
If you want hallucinations this is your drug.  However "you" are not there
to experience them.

    [e-mail] describes Datura effects
%%
Witches are actually shrubs growing in front yards (they live underground,
the branches are the hairs) Lots and lots of little bugs hand each other
berries along branches.

    [e-mail] on Datura
%%
%% * * * from the PJ Harvey mailing list:
%%
1) does it seem to anyone besides me that "sheela-na-gig", especially with the
addition of the jesus statue shown in the video and considering that a light
flashes on him when polly sings "he said"...that the song could be interpreted
as a description of the conflict between matrifocal, goddess centered pagan
religion and patriarchal christianity? (---)

    [e-mail], analyzing a PJ Harvey song
%%
Point 3: I didn't hear a lot about women trying to make themselves "pretty" in
"sheela-na-gig" (vis-a-vis "dress", for example).  I heard more of a sexual
freedom being twisted to whorish accusations by the man/men in question, who
does not acknowledge the beauty of fertility or strength in a woman (two
characteristics considered important in pagan/rural culture for producing
children and working in the fields.)  Then a rejection of those accusations and
a celebration of independence on the part of the woman: "Gonna take my hips to
a man who cares, heard it before, no more."

    skye meriwether <[e-mail]>,
    analyzing a PJ Harvey song
%%
I think rape, murder, small-town hicks, etc are important to our society,
but love and sexism are more widespread...

    [e-mail]
%%
"I shall never again fly through a thunderstorm,
 unless the Fatherland should demand it."
    -Manfred von Richthofen
%% about the 50 ft queenie:
"She's big 'cause she feasts on men and that's a
good form of protein."
    Polly Jean Harvey
%%
Amongst other things, Polly reveals that she has only recently started
having periods, due to her hormones being screwed up, and that as a child her
mother always said she was repressing her feminine side.
%%
%% in a PJ Harvey fan's .sig:
%%
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
%%
"We were playing in Yeovil, first date of our last tour," she says,
shouldering her knapsack.  "And someone was in the dressing room stuffing
all my writing up his sweater." She puts her hands on her hips, imitating
the confrontation.  "He said, 'I haven't got anything,' and it all fell
out.  I very nearly did hit him.  I've never hit anybody, but I could've
hit him."
%%
Hi, my name is Lolita, an' this here is Tanqueray.  Since we're all about
to die, we were wondering if you'd like to be our last boyfriends on earth?
    -Beavis & Butt-head: Tornado
%%
I've seen the future baby - it is murder
    Leonard Cohen
%%
Aaargh! Don't touch me, asswipe! I'll wound your inner child.
Then I'll kick your ass.
    Beavis
%%
when I'm watching my TV and a man comes on and tells
me how white my shirts could be and I can't be a man
'cause I don't smoke

    Stones: Satisfaction
    (later used for TV commerical: 'Snickers' really satisfies you)
%%
We don't need a thinker!  We need a doer - someone who will act without
concidering the consequences!

    Homer Simpson (episode #1F09)
%%
Christopher Mayhew says there is no time there is no space

    The Shamen: Christopher Mayhew says
%%
Mixing pop and politics, they ask me what the use is.  I offer 'em
embarressment and my usual excuses.  While lookin' down the corridor, out
to where the band is waiting, I'm looking for the Great Leap Forward.
    Billy Bragg
%%
%% a Lanius test run:
Bird snatterand is not in the template file!
'snitterand' is an unknown bird!
%%
- _What_ are you doing?
- Nothing! I've been clean for years now..!
    David Addison (Bruce Willis) in Moonlightling, the
    russian assassin episode
%%
we're going downtown on the escalator
we're blonde-haired teenage terminators
the camera's watching when we go shopping
better step aside cause we just ain't stopping

    Shampoo: viva la megababes
%%
i got a letter from the government the other day
opened it and read it
it said they were suckers

    public enemy: black steel
%%
It seemed to me that the psychic effect were emanating from the
`ajna chakra', the so-called `third eye' -- a locus above
and between the eyes.
%%
night after night
i think about your smile
night after night
but only for a while

    Laverne & Shirlie (Lenny & the Squigtones)
%%
To iterate is human,
recurse is divine
%%
%% some more fortunes from fortunes.unix
%%
43rd Law of Computing:
    Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%%
99 blocks of crud on the disk,
99 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
100 blocks of crud on the disk!

100 blocks of crud on the disk,
100 blocks of crud!
You patch a bug, and dump it again:
101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
%%
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
%%
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
        -- Herbert Prochnow
%%
    A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
incredible surgical feat."
    The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the
Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
that, the Garden and the world were created.  So God must have been an
architect."
    The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the
Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor." The Hacker then quickly pressed
the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while simultaneously
hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick Interlisp Manual.
The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
%%
A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
not worth knowing.
%%
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
        -- Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
        -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
%%
Actor:    So what do you do for a living?
Doris:    I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
    dishes for Chinese restaurants.
        -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
ADA, n.:
    Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
awareness."
%%
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
that it sinks like a stone.
        -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
%%
After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations.
        -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
%%
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.
%%
Alex Haley was adopted!
%%
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
%%
All the world's a VAX,
And all the coders merely butchers;
They have their exits and their entrails;
And one int in his time plays many widths,
His sizeof being N bytes.  At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,
And shining morning face, creeping like slug
Unwillingly to school.
        -- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
%%
        AMAZING BUT TRUE ...

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%%
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
to decadence without touching civilization.
        -- John O'Hara
%%
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
%%
Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
    (1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
    (2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
    (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
        first two laws.
%%
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
%%
"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
        --- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
            computer system.
%%
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
    be good
}
%%
Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
revitalize the corner saloon.
%%
Bug:
    Small living things that small living boys throw on small
living girls.
%%
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
        -- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing
           Compilers"
%%
C, n.:
    A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more
like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or
anything else.  It is either the best language available to the art
today, or it isn't.
        -- Ray Simard
%%
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
expected.  Carefully planned projects take four times longer to
complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their
planning to reduce the time it takes.
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
    Did you ever try buying then without money?
        -- Ogden Nash
%%
Chemicals, n.:
    Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%%
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff.
        -- Peter de Vries
%%
Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver.  Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.  YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU?  YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD
WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDED AND
SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH HE KNOBS,
RIGHT?  AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS,
RIGHT???  WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE
FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
        -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
%%
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
%%
Dear Lord:
    I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
    the other hand" again.
%%
Disc space -- the final frontier!
%%
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
%%
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
%%
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
anger.
%%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%%
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
%%
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
tomorrow in Australia.
        -- Charles Schultz
%%
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
route!
%%
Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together ...
        -- Carl Zwanzig
%%
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one _does_ anything about it.
%%
    Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
        -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
%%
Famous last words:
    1.  Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
    2.  Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
    3.  What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
    4.  We won't need reservations.
    5.  It's always sunny there this time of the year.
    6.  Don't worry, it's not loaded.
    7.  They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
%%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life
forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea ...
        -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set.
        -- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
"Pascal is not a high-level language."
        -- Steven Feiner
%%
Pascal Users:
    To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
    death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half
    speed.
%%
Pascal, n.:
    A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
his grave if he knew about it.
%%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
        -- Paul Beatty
%%
        The STAR WARS Song
    Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
    S-O-D-A soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
    Y-O-D-A Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda

Well I've been around but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green
    Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
    Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
%%
The steady state of disks is full.
        --Ken Thompson
%%
The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed.  Our
authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
the light of seven days."  Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all.  The light we
receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will
heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to
the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much
heat as the Earth by radiation.  Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for
radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the
earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C).  The exact temperature of Hell
cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the
fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which
burneth with fire and brimstone."  A lake of molten brimstone means
that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C.  We
have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
        -- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
%%
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offense.
        -- E. W. Dijkstra
%%
The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
%%
The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
%%
    THE WOMBAT

The wombat lives across the seas,
Among the far Antipodes.
He may exist on nuts and berries,
Or then again, on missionaries;
His distant habitat precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.
%%
There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
%%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
    But she started absorbin'
    A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%%
There were in this country two very large monopolies.  The larger of
the two had the following record: the Vietnam War, Watergate, double-
digit inflation, fuel and energy shortages, bankrupt airlines, and the
8-cent postcard.  The second was responsible for such things as the
transistor, the solar cell, lasers, synthetic crystals, high fidelity
stereo recording, sound motion pictures, radio astronomy, negative
feedback, magnetic tape, magnetic "bubbles", electronic switching
systems, microwave radio and TV relay systems, information theory, the
first electrical digital computer, and the first communications
satellite.  Guess which one got to tell the other how to run the
telephone business?
%%
There's no future in time travel
%%
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
%%
This fortune intentionally not included.
%%
    ... This striving for excellence extends into people's
personal lives as well.  When '80s people buy something, they buy the
best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.
Eighties people buy imported dental floss.  They buy gourmet baking
soda.  If an '80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a
reservation three weeks in advance, and they are informed that their
table is available, they stalk out immediately, because they know it is
not an excellent restaurant.  If it were, it would have an enormous
crowd of excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their
beepers going off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant
wouldn't have a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of
Liza Minnelli.
        -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
once.
%%
Unfair animal names:

-- tsetse fly            -- bullhead
-- booby            -- duck-billed platypus
-- sapsucker            -- Clarence
        -- Gary Larson
%%
    "Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly.  "In the past
year strange and fearful wonders I have seen.  Fields sown with barley
reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their
artichoke hearts.  There has been a hot day in December and a blue
moon.  Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon
Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen.  The earth splits and the
entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots.  The face of the
sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips."

    "But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.

    "Beats me," said Goodgulf with a shrug, "but I thought it made
good copy."
        -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
%%
WARNING:
    Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
    mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of
    hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of
    your favorite war.
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
%%
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?
        -- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
%%
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is
not far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space
travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
        -- Robert Heinlein
%%
%% more from 'afortune.dat'
%%
It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to
students that have had prior exposure to BASIC: as potential
programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of
regeneration.
                -- Dijkstra
%%
"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
%%
Spinach, carrot, and a melon - a meal fit for a nurse!
%%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%%
Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers.
%%
Scotty:         Captain, we din' can reference it!
Kirk:   Analysis, Mr. Spock?
Spock:  Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
Kirk:   Then it's of external origin?
Spock:  Affirmative.
Kirk:   Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
Sulu:   Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
%%
Drink it down Spock, it's the "human" thing to do.
%%
The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
brother's remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is
Jews!".  Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
                -- Baltimore, Channel 11 News, on Jimmy Carter
%%
"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
%%
%% ...end of reused cookies
%%
This is obviously one aspect of a big picture..  what looks like a
carefully worked blueprint for invasion of the planet..  Anyone who keeps
his bloody eyes open doesn't need a Harley St psychiatrist to tell him that
destructive elements enter into so-called normal sex relations:  the desire
to dominate, to kill, to take over and eat the partner..  these impulses
are nomally held in check by counter impulses..  what the virus puts out of
action is the regulatory centers in the nervous system..

    William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
There are imposters, `shake men', who haunt atomic installations and
victimize atomic scientists in much the same way as spurious police
officers extort money from sexual deviants in public lavatories -- In one
case a well-organized shake mob, purportoring to represent the nova poice,
confiscated cyclotrons and other atomic equipment which they subsequently
sold on the Uranian black market to support their heavy metal habits --

    William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
From symbiosis to parasitism is a short step.  The word is now a virus.
The flu virus may once have been a healthy lung cell.  It is now a
parasitic organism that invades and damages the lungs.  The word may once
have been a healthy neural cell.  It is now a parasitic organism that
invades and damages the central nervous system.

    William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded
%%
Modern man has lost the option of silence.  Try to achieve even ten seconds
of inner silence.  You will encounter a resisting organism that _forces you
to talk_. That organism is the word.

    William S Burroughs: The Ticket That Exploded